Monday, June 25, 2018

JUne 25

June 25 is a day for remembering -  Sure it is end of school year - beginning of vacations etc.  But for many we remembers the floods and the devastation that came with them.

For me and my siblings we remember that Mom died on June 25.  While another year has passed it was only 2 years ago.  It seems somehow longer than that.  And when I looked at the beans growing in the garden, I paused for a second waiting to tell her. She loved anything that reminded her of her days on the farm and in the garden, 

She would love today sunny bright and not too humid. 

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Eyesight and Mrs Magoo

Talking About Eyesight  - and Mrs. Magoo!!!

This not medical advice just recounting one family's story.

          For 11 years I watched my mother's eyesight decline.  She had macular degeneration and cataracts.  She  had laser surgery  in Florida(her 70's). She had hard lenses implanted.   By the time she got to New York, she had developed the wet kind of macular degeneration  (bleeding) .  This is the kind that requires shots of Lucentis or Avastin to stop the bleeding of the moment.

As heredity would have it - I too have developed Age Related  Degeneration -  It was diagnosed 710 10years ago and it is still the dry kind.  That was May 2010.  I do not know if this is important, but it seems that May is when I have noticed differences in my vision.  In May of 2015, a lavender-colored triangle type shape developed in my right eye.  In May of 2016,  change in my vision on the left side -- In May of 2017, a lavender hue in my left eye.  While folks are curious about what I can see or can 't see.  It is illusive describe.

The light of the day makes a huge difference as well as use of artificial lighting etc.     Because light varies, what I can see also varies.  My eyes do not adjust from outside to inside light very quickly if at all.

If the sun goes under, some vision seems to disappear. The light of the day, ambient lighting affects details, especially centrally. The center vision continues to erode.  Drivers license has been relinquished,,  driving is unsafe for me and others,  I am not living gracefully into this reality

Colors are also affected and distinguishing some is fading.  This is probably the most distressing. At a distance, groups of people are enveloped in a gray purple haze.  But again lighting and proximity are everything at this point.

Some ask why not have cataract surgery?  Retinalogists have advised against it. Research and mom's experience seem to back this up. There is data to suggest that cataract surgery can advance macular degen in some folks.  Or be of no advantage. Since it seems to have done harm for my mom, I have chosen not too.

 A noted ethnologist at Duke has said 'my dry macular is so advanced that he did not think cataract surgery would be useful". A local Retinalogist also agreed that cataracts surgery is not always beneficial,   Trying to keep the eyesight that I have as long as I can is the goal.  Some supplements were suggested and to maintain the use of eye vitamins. increase leafy greens in the diet and antioxidants are also advised,

An Ophthalmologist encouraged the lens implant with cataract surgery claiming that the lens and the retina are two entirely different parts of the eye.  Ultimately, the decision is up to the individual.  Maybe this is useful for some of you. 

Another thing to note:  because details are sketchy at best - my mind's eye seems to fill in the blanks when the details are unclear; coming to the wrong conclusion!

Illustration: Try to contain your laughter.     Our dog Sophie frequently finds a comfortable spot under the dining room table to nap.  While sitting in my chair in the living room, a distance beyond my detailed vision, I   called to her.  She would not come. I was a little worried so I went to see what was wrong.  When I arrived at where "Sophie" was laying,   I found it was the vacuum cleaner!  The approx size, color and shape of the vacuum tricked my eye into reading what I saw as my dog.  Now I more fully appreciate Mr. Magoo!!!

Friday, March 31, 2017

What 2016 held

 In January of 2016, I wondered what 2016 would hold as I stepped away from serving Laurens Presbyterian to care for my mother who was declining in health.
There was no realization that Mom's death would be so close at hand  or that this 2016 would bring more losses; a beloved aunt, cousin and colleague along with family and friends stricken with grave illnesses.

  While I rest assured that God is present in all of this - my own feelings of loss as these lights move from here to their final destination is exacerbated by  news that macular degeneration is literally leaving me in the dark.  So have a pity party already!!!

Our political debacle - is frightening and frustrating..Rose colored glasses are not a luxury we can afford.  Our Presbytery is bleeding talent, friends have moved - and it is unsettling.  The people in my life (the body of Christ)  they die or leave  the body.  For a moment,  I forget the promise of resurrection and God's gift of new life and then embrace Josie and Louis.  Change and decay gives way to new life.  God is not stopped.

This year our daughter in law blessed us with a new grandson. 2016 has seen a reconnecting  with family members, generosity of siblings. A brief trip to the Lake  was reassuring and comforting. Unintended home improvements  and trip to Vermont have been welcome,  seeing the wonder of God's creation displayed in living color.

 Giving thanks for our oldest  grandson who completed his  undergraduate work in three years. He still manages to be caring, academically astute and COOL!
There is  promise of new life for my sister who is making a bold move for her life.    Pride abounds with a daughter who has done great things for folks with autism in NC developing new camps to expand current services.  For her trip to Japan to share information with others who work with folks with autism.  The cup overflows with a son who creates music and joy while being supportive.  I am further blessed with  a husband who seems to manage everything with unflappable patience and calm.

A trip to Whitney point with a friend was both enjoyable and beautiful - the colors of Fall in the North East are God's hand writing on the landscape- Each year is a marvel;  the magic of color that appears for us to behold! The colors seen out the front window  lifted my spirit and fed my eye.

Fall joys continued with a celebration of our baby's 40th birthday  in NC. A Food Truck with great Mexican Food and Salsa dancing topped the night.  We learned a new way to throw a party from our daughter - in - law who is pretty amazing. We were happy to celebrate this milestone with our daughter, her wife and family as well as their wonderful friends.

  A side trip to Gettysburg on the way back North was an added treat.  More travel for  Thanksgiving in Buffalo, at my sister's. Christmas light display at the fairgrounds and sister out did herself for dinner.   Back to NC for  Christmas. The brightness of Josie and Louis made Christmas cheery - despite the obvious absences.  Funny how the heart can hold both joy and grief at the same time.
John 11: 1-41 A poem  - 
 by Judith A Gage

“Lord My Brother has
four days been dead.
The house of Lazarus
listened to all you said.”

“He loved you,
like a brother true.
Mary and I ,
have done so too.”

“If you had come,
He would not have slept.
He would still live,
And we would not have wept!”

“Jesus can you make the sign
That we are waiting for?
Can you open the tomb
And close death’s door?

“We find in You,
The One annointed.
Is this the time
That God appointed?




“You came back,
Thought priests disdain You.
Yet, all around
The people claim you.?
“If you had come,
He would not have slept.
He would still live,
And we would not have wept!”

“ Now do you
Weep with us?
Or do you weep
 for Caiaphas?

“ Lord I know
God answers you.
What ever you ask
God will do,”

Then He said,
“First, believe,
Resurrection and Life,
 Is what I weave.”






“Yes Lord, I believe.
You are the One . . .
The One who
For all has come!”

“ Mary Go quickly!
He asks for you.”
But . . . all the people,
What Shall I do?

Mary knelt
again at His feet,
and Martha’s words
then did repat:

“If you had come,
He would not have slept.
He would still live,
And we would not have wept!”

Jesus asked, “Where is he?”
Those weeping said,
“Lord, here’s the ave,
Come and see.”

Moved to tears,
Jesus prayed
“Biut Lord the smell;
He’s been dead four days!”

“Take away the stone!”
“Lord what is this you do?!
You call his name?
He answers you!”

Lord Jesus,
How can this be?
How from death
Can  you set us free!
“It is God’s Glory
That you see
I am the Resurrection
And the Life said He.





Friday, October 14, 2016

Leaving Jan 2016

Summer lingered  - Flowers were abundant, tomatoes were  canned.  Friends left some by choice 'others not. Some are happy and some are mixed with anger and sadness. Fall rolled around - but summer stayed there for awhile.
Dreams of paddling on the lake and basking in sun shine, are alluring but are so quickly gone.
  I am ready for a change, for a new chapter -  Saying Good bye is hard but good.  God be with You  is the root of " Good Bye",if I am not mistaken,  God be with you is a blessing and praying for blessings for all .  For me I hope  busyness is ending - and that calm approaching,  even the computer is ready to retire.
  2016 What blessings do you hold - What joy lies ahead?  Where will God lead? . 
So far ancestry,Rosetta Stone CCAL course in Islam, setting the house in order , paring down  for Lent and paring calories.
All this and greenhouse duty along with Mom's care have filled the first  hours of retirement. 
Looking
Forward to a new grand child in May and celebrating  mom's 89 years in April.  I can not bear to watch the political circus ,  May God bring forth a leader who is just, loving, and Honorable and wise oh lord hear our prayer.

Words at a loss July 2016

Words at a loss
    Relief at a cost
Life ending . . .
    Details pending . . .

Chaos Reigns
    a hole remains
Not just mine
    but the whole Line

Fiesty,Tough
  Tactfully rough
Oh Time!
  You are never enough

To get it right
  to let it go
In Love 
  May it be so


Monday, August 31, 2015

Honoring God Charleston etc. Random Thoughts


The shootings in Charleston,  inmates at large,  churches  splintering
Loved ones dying, tornadoes, floods, fires, seven inches of crabs on the beach
Water polluted by fracking

Who do we think we are?  Do we think we can get away with this? Does a judge say the killer is a victim?, Does the polluter say the water consumers are the problem?  Does the church say the dogma is the problem?  Are the crabs laying dead on the beach their fault?

Why are we feeding ourselves  greed and violence?   - Why are we screwing up the best things that ever happened to us our lives and the earth

How does this honor God?  Even if you can't believe in a creator,  how does this honor the home where we live?  let alone one another?  This is not sustainable?  How does this honor you own existence?  Isn't this self destructive?  Does that make any sense?



Monday, March 23, 2015

What is Man that Thou art mindful of him

This morning started with the same routine: waken with prayers traveling through my head and heart, then a quick trip to the bathroom, turn up the heat, slip back under the covers til it warms up, play with the puppy.  An unconditional lick on the face and wagging tail are sure and certain affirmations to start one's day.

Then off to the gym with hubby and stop at the diner for coffee and planning for vacation!  What a life!!!

Then I see him; an old acquaintance of ours. He is working at the diner!  He lost his teenage son  in a car accident last year.  But we are a reminder of better days younger days.  We could not keep from hugging him.  We caught up on the latest news and such.

He admits that he battles depression.  He described how after the accident he thought he might like to join his son.  Then he shared  more of his story.

About a week or so after the death of his son,  he received a letter.  It was from a daughter he had not known.  She had been looking for him.  She was trying to find the courage to write a letter to him. The accident forced her hand to paper. She had tracked him through the son.

It seems that in his loss, he has been found and in her he has found life, not a substitute, but a purpose.  Thanks be to God for Good news!


 And I thought  puppy kisses were good!


JUne 25

June 25 is a day for remembering -  Sure it is end of school year - beginning of vacations etc.  But for many we remembers the floods and th...